Dopamine Detox is a Thing

Dopamine detox is a thing, it’s real, and an act of self-love 💕

A couple years ago I was drawn to ease back and pull back on the
excessive posting and over-sharing on social media. Sure, I felt the FOMO and the guilt of not “keeping up” with my “friends” and family but guess what? Life continued, and the important conversations and quality time spent happened in real life anyway. What I needed to know I found out about anyway. I have learned so much about myself getting rid of noise cluttering my thoughts and perceptions. What did we ever do without Facebook? Don’t get me wrong I see the value in it too but there is a reason why the people who created it will not let their kids use it. It’s ok if you go to a concert and actually enjoy it and see the band with your own eyes and not through the lens of your phone. It’s ok to have a spectacular meal and not share it with the world. It’s ok to be present and actually live your life.

The Twice a Year Blogger

 Funny not funny but true- I am the twice a Year Blogger!

I admit it, I have the best intentions, but then six months pass by and I don't blog one single thing!

I am very aware that if you want to build something, you must be consistent.  I am aware of so many things, but I have been going through yet another transformative journey in the last year or so. I stopped using FB in January 2023 and it was the best thing I could have done for my mental health.  I did not realize how bad it made me feel until it was no longer a constant in my life.  Don't get me wrong, I see the value in it when you use it for good, it was just for me, in that season of my life, completely toxic and determental to my mental wellbeing.

I made major moves entering into my 50's and I am still in that journey - life is such a journey!  It takes you through so many unexpected twists and turns. I am finally prioritising my health, and finally getting to the bottom of many of my anxst and symptoms of constant anxiety and fear. 

I finally decided to go to formal therapy.  I have tried to self-soothe, and expand on my spirituality, dive into mindset work and just try to suck it up and accept this has been and will be my life. To top it all off, I started with perimenopause and that has been and added layer of additional self discovery.  After discussing so many things with my therapist, I had an epiphny and realized that I have probably been suffering hormonal imbalances since my mid-thirties and I have gone undiagnosed for years. I also have been identifying a lot with symptoms of ADHD and it has been very interesting learning more about it.

It is truly sad and disappointing that women's health is not taken very seriously and most women get dismissed by their primary care physicians and OB/Gyns and most women feel unseen and unheard. I know I have for years, because I have tried so many times to ask for a simple hormonal pannel and they have told me it is not standard of care to check for hormones if I am having regular periods. I was told in more than one occasion that the topic of hormonal imbalances is just a tick toc trend. So frustrating!

We'll the epiphany was that I have probably been experiencing hormonal imbalances for years and now that I am 50 this is becoming more apparent and intense.  I am going to have to seek care outside the United States with a hormone specialist. I have to make an appointment very soon and get to the bottom of this. 

For years I have experienced chronic anxiety among other symptoms and I have never been able to understand why. I feel I have dealt with it so long that I have mastered the art of being a high functioning anxious person. It does not dibilitate my everyday work but it is there every day. As I mentioned, I have tried prayer, meditation, mindset work but somehow nothing really seems to work long term. It may very well be something physical and I have endured this necessarily. It is persistent and frankly exhausting. I am tired of feeling tired, and inadequate guilty and hopeless at times. I want to find joy in my journey.

More to come as I embark in this journey of self discovery once again. Perhaps once I figure things out and finally get the care and relief I need I will have the energy, vitality and motivation to do the things I enjoy doing and be consistent with this blog of mine. 

Make Sure You Are Happy in Real Life

 

It has been 10 days without Facebook. I have reached out for it a couple times, all of a sudden I wonder how someone is doing or I want to reach out, but I have been able to do so by other means and that is perfectly fine.  10 days and I do not believe anyone has noticed. There was one person who always liked my posts who has reached out; one out of 605. This need to post every single thought and thing is pretty ridiculous. NOBODY cares!

I have felt relieved for the most part, I kept Instagram, however, I am really trying to stay away there as well. I accidently saw a post from someone doing something I was trying to avoid and it upset me. It is still very toxic for me to even consider coming back. Maybe I never will.  

I spent quality time, watching things that inspire me and feed my brain, creating a vision for my future and prioritizing my finances etc. I believe the more room I make for these things the happier I will be.

This past weekend was a four day weekend for me due the to Martin Luther King Holiday and it was super rainy where I live. We spent most of the days indoors, cooking and napping and spending quality time. What a beautiful concept.  That is precisely my motto - it's all in the details.

The more I give myself grace for not being online and pressuring myself to perform the tasks others expect of me around my business the happier I am, and no one really needs to know that.

I need to make sure I am happy in real life first before sharing any kind of value to others through my social media.

So onward and forward! 

Can I survive without Facebook?

Today I made a bold move - I deactivated my Facebook account. I only told my husband and one person who will moderate my groups while I am gone. I may return, I may never go back.  I felt a sudden need to do it, to be bold and determined, fearless.  But can I survive?

Social media and our phones have become part of us, almost like an extension or an appendage and frankly I am sick of it. Do not get me wrong, I have always looked at the bright side of things, and even during the pandemic found ways to let it be a tool for good, to spread joy, positive messages and shine light in the dark.  I have however found myself feeling depleted, and uninspired even a little disgusted with it all. I am not finding joy in any of the groups I belong to, I am so tired of the same heard mentality, everyone is doing the same thing in one way or another, everyone is selling something and very few people are having deep and meaningful conversations.  Not that anyone is reading this blog anyway, but it is for me, for my growth and for my exercise in discipline, consistency and self-expression. 

What if I use the time I wasted daily in enriching my life? What if I finally found the discipline to blog here consistently and continue to learn and build it? What if I now have time to study and get myself certified in my profession? What if I start learning about real estate, investing and finances? What if I re-take my interior design career?  Suddenly I feel hopeful and a bit relieved... 

I could have just logged off but I feel I needed to disappear completely from the 605 people who have front row seats to my life but no input, no meaningful or honest relationship with me. Everyone one is busy living their lives, yet they are tuning in to everyone else and for what?  Who cares! 

I'll be ok- I will survive.

Can I reinvent myself at 50?

 

I am a self proclaimed late bloomer but how far can I take this notion?

When is it time to finally answer the question - What do I want to do when I grow up?

I know one thing for certain, this life is a journey and nothing is in vain or wasted, however it is time to define my ultimate goals and become laser focused on them.

What is it that I really want?

What makes ME happy?

What sets MY soul on fire?

I think it is valid to ask those questions, knowing God and the Universe have placed those desires in my heart and they are waiting to co-create with me. Waiting for me to decide and create space for those desires to manifest.

I feel it in my bones - this is the year to do it!

What do you want to do when you grow up?

How has it been a year?

And yet I STILL keep getting drawn to come back and blog here. Am I finally going to make this happen?

I proved to myself that imperfect action works... so here I go again.

I have so much to share about my growth in the last year. SO MUCH.

I truly hope to build this blog and serve a community of like-minded people who have the desire to grow and find joy in their journey.

Structure is in the details

 My mind is blown on this lazy Sunday morning, June 13, 2021, on day zero of my 30-day self-challenge,  at the perfection of serendipity and divine intuition. All throughout my journey of self-discovery and search for purpose, there have been very clear guideposts, teachers, and angels along the way who have held my hand and taught me so much.  All I had to do is trust my gut, follow my intuition, and open my heart to hope and possibilities.  Before then, I had found myself in a dark pit where I could not even trust my own gut, I had forgotten to listen to my heart, and I began to distrust my intuition.

How did I get there? I think is irrelevant now; I spent too much time for too long asking those questions only to find frustration, regret, and hopelessness. So instead, I think what is more compelling here for me is what got me here, to the now.

As I close this personal challenge, I stumble upon three major guideposts in this beautiful life journey, and I know none is left to coincidence.  The perfection of these three beautiful gifts and how they correlate to one another is breathtaking to me. I am so humbled and grateful and so full of hope.

Browsing social media, I ran across an interview Marie Forleo was conducting of Martha Beck, speaking of her latest work, The Way of Integrity. It is so interesting to me that Martha Beck is someone that is not new to me because angels along the way lead me to her articles on Oprah Magazine and some of her books. I do not know how many years ago a co-worker gifted me her book Finding Your Own North Star. She probably knew that it would be something I would enjoy reading, as I have shared my desire to find my way in life, the gift was very much appreciated, but I never read it; I do not know why. In my constant scramble to seek answers, I have compiled a large library of self-help books, and some have captured my attention, and some have piled up with the great intention to read them one day. The point here is that I had heard of Martha Beck, and when I saw the interview on Instagram, I stopped to listen. They talked about her life briefly and how this book is a great tool to find balance and structure in your life, something I have been actively pursuing in my life for years, but especially in the last 30 days. I was immediately drawn in, and with not much thought, I ordered the book on Audible, started listening, and knew right away I needed it in hard copy. In addition, I also ordered The Divine Comedy from Dante Alighieri because the way she illustrates the steps into integrity and how it correlates with Dante's poems just completely captivated me. I was so fortunate to pick John Ciardi's translation because it makes the reading understandable and relatable.  I had never really considered myself an avid reader and more of an art lover than a scholar, but I have grown to appreciate the art of reading and have realized the tremendous power it holds.

Today a Facebook reminder from 2019 popped up, again, no coincidence here. I can't help but share this quote from Jim Rhon, one of those teachers along the way, when he says, "Learning is the beginning of wealth. Learning is the beginning of health. Learning is the beginning of spirituality. Searching and learning is where the miracle process begins".  This is truly what got me here, to the now.

I posted that quote from Jim Rohn with this other quote from Einstein I found online.

I can't but feel overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude for the divine protection, inspiration, and gentle and, at times, not so gentle nudging. Again today, when I paused for a moment from reading how to read Dante and the translator's notes, I went on social media where I ran across the app Fabulous; after reading more about it, I discovered it is the perfect tool to help me build the structure my soul has desired for decades.  An app that takes you on a journey into the depths of your being and helps you climb three mountains! Foundations, Struggle, and Mastery; If you know Dante and the Divine Comedy, you can see the correlation and the perfection of it all. I am so blown away right now!

I could write for hours today; thoughts are swirling in my head of all the beautiful connections and serendipities, of how Dante was an Aries and how the struggles depicted in the Devine Comedy sparked around when he was 35 years old, time most people and I reach a crossroads in life.  I have so much in my heart to share, but I must stop here for now and gather myself. 

The beauty here is that I am ready, and that is why I know these things have fallen on my lap today, and I cannot wait to see where this takes me, out of hell into purgatory and onto my ultimate destination, the Paradiso.