The Bi-annual Blogger

The “Bi-Annual Blogger”… Again (But This Time It’s Different)

If you’ve been here before, welcome back.

If you’re new here… well, there’s something you should know.

I have a long history of showing up… and disappearing.

In fact, one of my last posts was titled “The Twice-a-Year Blogger.”
At the time, I meant it as a joke. A light way to acknowledge my inconsistency.

But if I’m being honest, it wasn’t really a joke.

It was confusion.
It was frustration.
It was me trying to understand why I could care so much about something… and still not follow through.

For years, I thought I was just lacking something.

Discipline.
Focus.
Consistency.
Faith.
Something.

I kept thinking:
“If I could just fix this one thing about myself… everything else would fall into place.”

So I tried.

Over and over again.

New systems.
New routines.
New promises to myself.

And every time I didn’t follow through, it quietly reinforced the same belief:

Maybe I just don’t measure up.

What I Didn’t Know Back Then

I didn’t know I had ADHD.

I didn’t understand why my brain worked the way it did.
Why I could feel deeply inspired one moment… and completely disconnected the next.
Why starting felt easy—but continuing felt impossible.

So instead of understanding myself…

I judged myself.

I labeled it as laziness.
Lack of discipline.
Lack of commitment.

But it was never that simple.

What I’m Starting to Understand Now

I’m not broken.
I’m not missing something.

I just didn’t have the right lens.

And once you start seeing yourself differently… everything begins to shift.

Not overnight.
Not perfectly.
But honestly.

So, Why Am I Back?

Because this blog was never really about consistency.

It was about capturing the journey.

The small moments.
The quiet realizations.
The in-between spaces where life is actually happening.

I started this space to remind myself to:

• slow down
• Notice the details
• “stop and smell the roses” (even when life felt chaotic)

Somewhere along the way, I thought I needed to turn it into something more structured… more polished… more consistent.

And when I couldn’t… I stopped.

This Time Feels Different

Not because I suddenly have everything figured out.

But because I’m not trying to force myself into something I’m not anymore.

This isn’t about becoming a “perfect blogger.”
This isn’t about posting every week.
This isn’t about doing it right.

This is about showing up… as I am… when I can… and telling the truth about what this journey actually looks like.

If You’re Still Here

Maybe you’ve felt this too.

Like you’re always almost there… but never quite.
Like everyone else got a manual you somehow missed.
Like you’re constantly trying to fix something about yourself.

If that’s you—I see you.

And maybe… just maybe…
there’s nothing wrong with you either.

So Here We Go… Again

Not as “The Twice a Year or Every Two Year Blogger.”

But as someone who is finally starting to understand herself.

And maybe, through that…

I can help someone else feel a little less alone.

Dopamine Detox is a Thing

Dopamine detox is a thing, it’s real, and an act of self-love 💕

A couple years ago I was drawn to ease back and pull back on the
excessive posting and over-sharing on social media. Sure, I felt the FOMO and the guilt of not “keeping up” with my “friends” and family but guess what? Life continued, and the important conversations and quality time spent happened in real life anyway. What I needed to know I found out about anyway. I have learned so much about myself getting rid of noise cluttering my thoughts and perceptions. What did we ever do without Facebook? Don’t get me wrong I see the value in it too but there is a reason why the people who created it will not let their kids use it. It’s ok if you go to a concert and actually enjoy it and see the band with your own eyes and not through the lens of your phone. It’s ok to have a spectacular meal and not share it with the world. It’s ok to be present and actually live your life.

The Twice a Year Blogger

 Funny not funny but true- I am the twice a Year Blogger!

I admit it, I have the best intentions, but then six months pass by and I don't blog one single thing!

I am very aware that if you want to build something, you must be consistent.  I am aware of so many things, but I have been going through yet another transformative journey in the last year or so. I stopped using FB in January 2023 and it was the best thing I could have done for my mental health.  I did not realize how bad it made me feel until it was no longer a constant in my life.  Don't get me wrong, I see the value in it when you use it for good, it was just for me, in that season of my life, completely toxic and determental to my mental wellbeing.

I made major moves entering into my 50's and I am still in that journey - life is such a journey!  It takes you through so many unexpected twists and turns. I am finally prioritising my health, and finally getting to the bottom of many of my anxst and symptoms of constant anxiety and fear. 

I finally decided to go to formal therapy.  I have tried to self-soothe, and expand on my spirituality, dive into mindset work and just try to suck it up and accept this has been and will be my life. To top it all off, I started with perimenopause and that has been and added layer of additional self discovery.  After discussing so many things with my therapist, I had an epiphny and realized that I have probably been suffering hormonal imbalances since my mid-thirties and I have gone undiagnosed for years. I also have been identifying a lot with symptoms of ADHD and it has been very interesting learning more about it.

It is truly sad and disappointing that women's health is not taken very seriously and most women get dismissed by their primary care physicians and OB/Gyns and most women feel unseen and unheard. I know I have for years, because I have tried so many times to ask for a simple hormonal pannel and they have told me it is not standard of care to check for hormones if I am having regular periods. I was told in more than one occasion that the topic of hormonal imbalances is just a tick toc trend. So frustrating!

We'll the epiphany was that I have probably been experiencing hormonal imbalances for years and now that I am 50 this is becoming more apparent and intense.  I am going to have to seek care outside the United States with a hormone specialist. I have to make an appointment very soon and get to the bottom of this. 

For years I have experienced chronic anxiety among other symptoms and I have never been able to understand why. I feel I have dealt with it so long that I have mastered the art of being a high functioning anxious person. It does not dibilitate my everyday work but it is there every day. As I mentioned, I have tried prayer, meditation, mindset work but somehow nothing really seems to work long term. It may very well be something physical and I have endured this necessarily. It is persistent and frankly exhausting. I am tired of feeling tired, and inadequate guilty and hopeless at times. I want to find joy in my journey.

More to come as I embark in this journey of self discovery once again. Perhaps once I figure things out and finally get the care and relief I need I will have the energy, vitality and motivation to do the things I enjoy doing and be consistent with this blog of mine. 

Make Sure You Are Happy in Real Life

 

It has been 10 days without Facebook. I have reached out for it a couple times, all of a sudden I wonder how someone is doing or I want to reach out, but I have been able to do so by other means and that is perfectly fine.  10 days and I do not believe anyone has noticed. There was one person who always liked my posts who has reached out; one out of 605. This need to post every single thought and thing is pretty ridiculous. NOBODY cares!

I have felt relieved for the most part, I kept Instagram, however, I am really trying to stay away there as well. I accidently saw a post from someone doing something I was trying to avoid and it upset me. It is still very toxic for me to even consider coming back. Maybe I never will.  

I spent quality time, watching things that inspire me and feed my brain, creating a vision for my future and prioritizing my finances etc. I believe the more room I make for these things the happier I will be.

This past weekend was a four day weekend for me due the to Martin Luther King Holiday and it was super rainy where I live. We spent most of the days indoors, cooking and napping and spending quality time. What a beautiful concept.  That is precisely my motto - it's all in the details.

The more I give myself grace for not being online and pressuring myself to perform the tasks others expect of me around my business the happier I am, and no one really needs to know that.

I need to make sure I am happy in real life first before sharing any kind of value to others through my social media.

So onward and forward! 

Can I survive without Facebook?

Today I made a bold move - I deactivated my Facebook account. I only told my husband and one person who will moderate my groups while I am gone. I may return, I may never go back.  I felt a sudden need to do it, to be bold and determined, fearless.  But can I survive?

Social media and our phones have become part of us, almost like an extension or an appendage and frankly I am sick of it. Do not get me wrong, I have always looked at the bright side of things, and even during the pandemic found ways to let it be a tool for good, to spread joy, positive messages and shine light in the dark.  I have however found myself feeling depleted, and uninspired even a little disgusted with it all. I am not finding joy in any of the groups I belong to, I am so tired of the same heard mentality, everyone is doing the same thing in one way or another, everyone is selling something and very few people are having deep and meaningful conversations.  Not that anyone is reading this blog anyway, but it is for me, for my growth and for my exercise in discipline, consistency and self-expression. 

What if I use the time I wasted daily in enriching my life? What if I finally found the discipline to blog here consistently and continue to learn and build it? What if I now have time to study and get myself certified in my profession? What if I start learning about real estate, investing and finances? What if I re-take my interior design career?  Suddenly I feel hopeful and a bit relieved... 

I could have just logged off but I feel I needed to disappear completely from the 605 people who have front row seats to my life but no input, no meaningful or honest relationship with me. Everyone one is busy living their lives, yet they are tuning in to everyone else and for what?  Who cares! 

I'll be ok- I will survive.

Can I reinvent myself at 50?

 

I am a self proclaimed late bloomer but how far can I take this notion?

When is it time to finally answer the question - What do I want to do when I grow up?

I know one thing for certain, this life is a journey and nothing is in vain or wasted, however it is time to define my ultimate goals and become laser focused on them.

What is it that I really want?

What makes ME happy?

What sets MY soul on fire?

I think it is valid to ask those questions, knowing God and the Universe have placed those desires in my heart and they are waiting to co-create with me. Waiting for me to decide and create space for those desires to manifest.

I feel it in my bones - this is the year to do it!

What do you want to do when you grow up?

How has it been a year?

And yet I STILL keep getting drawn to come back and blog here. Am I finally going to make this happen?

I proved to myself that imperfect action works... so here I go again.

I have so much to share about my growth in the last year. SO MUCH.

I truly hope to build this blog and serve a community of like-minded people who have the desire to grow and find joy in their journey.