The Twice a Year Blogger

 Funny not funny but true- I am the twice a Year Blogger!

I admit it, I have the best intentions, but then six months pass by and I don't blog one single thing!

I am very aware that if you want to build something, you must be consistent.  I am aware of so many things, but I have been going through yet another transformative journey in the last year or so. I stopped using FB in January 2023 and it was the best thing I could have done for my mental health.  I did not realize how bad it made me feel until it was no longer a constant in my life.  Don't get me wrong, I see the value in it when you use it for good, it was just for me, in that season of my life, completely toxic and determental to my mental wellbeing.

I made major moves entering into my 50's and I am still in that journey - life is such a journey!  It takes you through so many unexpected twists and turns. I am finally prioritising my health, and finally getting to the bottom of many of my anxst and symptoms of constant anxiety and fear. 

I finally decided to go to formal therapy.  I have tried to self-soothe, and expand on my spirituality, dive into mindset work and just try to suck it up and accept this has been and will be my life. To top it all off, I started with perimenopause and that has been and added layer of additional self discovery.  After discussing so many things with my therapist, I had an epiphny and realized that I have probably been suffering hormonal imbalances since my mid-thirties and I have gone undiagnosed for years. I also have been identifying a lot with symptoms of ADHD and it has been very interesting learning more about it.

It is truly sad and disappointing that women's health is not taken very seriously and most women get dismissed by their primary care physicians and OB/Gyns and most women feel unseen and unheard. I know I have for years, because I have tried so many times to ask for a simple hormonal pannel and they have told me it is not standard of care to check for hormones if I am having regular periods. I was told in more than one occasion that the topic of hormonal imbalances is just a tick toc trend. So frustrating!

We'll the epiphany was that I have probably been experiencing hormonal imbalances for years and now that I am 50 this is becoming more apparent and intense.  I am going to have to seek care outside the United States with a hormone specialist. I have to make an appointment very soon and get to the bottom of this. 

For years I have experienced chronic anxiety among other symptoms and I have never been able to understand why. I feel I have dealt with it so long that I have mastered the art of being a high functioning anxious person. It does not dibilitate my everyday work but it is there every day. As I mentioned, I have tried prayer, meditation, mindset work but somehow nothing really seems to work long term. It may very well be something physical and I have endured this necessarily. It is persistent and frankly exhausting. I am tired of feeling tired, and inadequate guilty and hopeless at times. I want to find joy in my journey.

More to come as I embark in this journey of self discovery once again. Perhaps once I figure things out and finally get the care and relief I need I will have the energy, vitality and motivation to do the things I enjoy doing and be consistent with this blog of mine.